Day 1
"When we were together, we were very happy. And I want this memory to stay with me the same way".
His last words echo in my mind, constantly reminding me how easily he snapped all ties. How easy it is for him to call me a memory..a thing of past, which has now demised and over.. a thing of past that has got nothing to do with the present or the future! He may go ahead and start a new life with a new woman, a new job, a new place and his entire family by his side, but he leaves behind a trail of broken promises, innumerable memories that only bring pain to me and a heartache that is way too difficult to bear.
In the past one week, since the time the news was broken to me, I have only been trying to accept the reality.. he says that moving back to his hometown was always the case, but was it really the issue between us?? I don't think so.. I never really adamantly objected to it. I understand the need and would have been fully supportive of his decision, had he even once put his foot down and told me this. I only see this as a very good way to convince himself to get into a new relationship without the baggage or may be I am just angry!!
There is a gamut of emotions churning up inside me. Had I been living in a bubble that has burst after 3 years?? After all, what was it all about?? Breaking up and him coming back to me, not once or twice but innumerable number of times..was I suppose to say no to him while my heart longed for him?? How would I know? I followed my heart then and until now, which asked me to hang in there for a little longer and have faith in him... just why did I fool myself into believing that may be, may be I really am way too important for him to let go off me and more importantly US... I should have listened to my mind that yelled at me every time I greeted him with a smile. the warning bells that went off as soon as he held my hand or hugged me or kissed me...I wish I had.. may be then I would have been at a far better place than where I am now...I curse myself for being with him, at a time, when everyone around advised me against him... but then again, I listened to my stupid heart and what a mess have I landed up myself in...!!!
Staring into the blankness around me has become a routine...I don't remember smiling even once in the past one week, neither do I remember talking much. And even before I realise, tears run down my cheeks and breathlessness sets in.
Am I still not able to accept that it really has happened?? That I am part of his past now and shall never be able to see, talk or touch him, the way I was always did.. I am unable to figure out anything...unable to see things clearly..my head is jammed and my heart pains to an unimaginable extent.. but one thing I am crystal clear about-- He will move on in his life and I shall soon become a closed chapter.. Does it pain me?? yes, it does..And can I wish him well.. I really don't think any good wishes come for him, from within my heart.. it really doesn't! But as much I hate him for doing this... my love for him will never allow me to even use one bad word for him, let alone wish ill!!
"When we were together, we were very happy. And I want this memory to stay with me the same way".
His last words echo in my mind, constantly reminding me how easily he snapped all ties. How easy it is for him to call me a memory..a thing of past, which has now demised and over.. a thing of past that has got nothing to do with the present or the future! He may go ahead and start a new life with a new woman, a new job, a new place and his entire family by his side, but he leaves behind a trail of broken promises, innumerable memories that only bring pain to me and a heartache that is way too difficult to bear.
In the past one week, since the time the news was broken to me, I have only been trying to accept the reality.. he says that moving back to his hometown was always the case, but was it really the issue between us?? I don't think so.. I never really adamantly objected to it. I understand the need and would have been fully supportive of his decision, had he even once put his foot down and told me this. I only see this as a very good way to convince himself to get into a new relationship without the baggage or may be I am just angry!!
There is a gamut of emotions churning up inside me. Had I been living in a bubble that has burst after 3 years?? After all, what was it all about?? Breaking up and him coming back to me, not once or twice but innumerable number of times..was I suppose to say no to him while my heart longed for him?? How would I know? I followed my heart then and until now, which asked me to hang in there for a little longer and have faith in him... just why did I fool myself into believing that may be, may be I really am way too important for him to let go off me and more importantly US... I should have listened to my mind that yelled at me every time I greeted him with a smile. the warning bells that went off as soon as he held my hand or hugged me or kissed me...I wish I had.. may be then I would have been at a far better place than where I am now...I curse myself for being with him, at a time, when everyone around advised me against him... but then again, I listened to my stupid heart and what a mess have I landed up myself in...!!!
Staring into the blankness around me has become a routine...I don't remember smiling even once in the past one week, neither do I remember talking much. And even before I realise, tears run down my cheeks and breathlessness sets in.
Am I still not able to accept that it really has happened?? That I am part of his past now and shall never be able to see, talk or touch him, the way I was always did.. I am unable to figure out anything...unable to see things clearly..my head is jammed and my heart pains to an unimaginable extent.. but one thing I am crystal clear about-- He will move on in his life and I shall soon become a closed chapter.. Does it pain me?? yes, it does..And can I wish him well.. I really don't think any good wishes come for him, from within my heart.. it really doesn't! But as much I hate him for doing this... my love for him will never allow me to even use one bad word for him, let alone wish ill!!
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